Loneliness is a Blue Plate Special

As soon as Nick passed through the swinging doors of the autopsy room he was forced to sidestep and dodge a technician who was carrying a plastic bag of effects. He scanned the room and saw Natalie just as she lifted out a large handful of lung tissue and dropped it into the scale at the head of the autopsy table. Squinting up at the reader, she turned her head slightly toward the hanging microphone and read off the weight. In doing so she spotted Nick standing off to one side and frowned at him.

"Hi, Nat," he said, smiling and stepping forward.

"I thought you were on vacation?" Natalie asked

Nick shrugged. "I am."

"Then why are you here?" Natalie asked, lifting the lung tissue and placing it on a gurney. A technician wheeled it off so that samples could be taken. Nick turned his head as Natalie drew back the sheet to expose the open abdomen of the body she was currently working on.

"I just thought I'd drop by and chat?"

"Bored, huh?" Natalie asked distractedly as she looked over her instrument tray before reaching over for a probe.

Nick sighed. "I don't see why they make me take vacation," he began.

"Uh-huh," Natalie said. "One second," she said, holding up one finger. He watched her face as she probed around in the gut, scowling. "I know it's in here somewhere," she muttered.

Nick waited a few minutes, then started again. "I mean, if someone doesn't want to take vacat--"

"Got it!" Natalie exclaimed triumphantly, dropping the probe and grabbing a pair of forceps. In a second she withdrew a slug. "A-ha!"

"Anyway, I thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing and..." Nick watched as she turned her attention back to the task at hand. "Is now not a good time?" he finally asked.

Natalie sighed. "Now is definitely not a good time," she said. "I've got this guy to finish up, then I've got two more before I can go home tonight. Everyone wants their reports now, and half the staff is out with the flu. I've only got two hands."

Nick could hear the irritation in her voice. "Then I guess I should go, right?" Natalie looked up and all but glared at him. "Ok, ok," Nick said. "I'm going. Maybe I could give you a call later?"

"If you want," Natalie said. "Although I'll probably sleep in tomorrow, unless something new comes along. Leave a message and I'll call you when I get up."

Nick stood for a moment watching her, moving only when Grace came in and tried to maneuver around him. "I'll be going now," he said, backing away.

"Bye," Natalie said absently. "Grace, have you finished bagging the effects yet? Nick didn't pay attention to Grace's answer as he turned and walked through the doors again and down the hallway.

The Caddie was parked out front and he'd pulled the top down so that he could enjoy the night air. He'd driven around for nearly an hour trying to kill time before he'd decided to stop in at the morgue. In fact, he'd spent the last three days doing anything he could think of to kill time. He'd painted. He'd read. He'd lain on the floor and tossed tarot cards in the air. When he'd run out of things to do he'd gotten into his car and driven. Now he was right back where he started from.

Nick drove aimlessly for another half an hour before he realized that he was about a block away from The Raven. With a small smile, he turned the corner and parked. When was the last time he'd dropped by to see Janette simply to talk, to reminisce about old times.

Alma was standing near the bar when he entered. She smirked slightly, then waved in the direction of one of the tables in the back of the club. Nick nodded a greeting to her, then moved through the crowd. It didn't take him long to realize that Janette was not alone. Seated very close to her was a young man, a boy really, Nick thought. Although he realized quickly enough that that his apparent age was probably deceptive as he was not mortal. Janette was leaning seductively against his arm, whispering in his ear.

The vampire was someone Nick didn't recognize. He'd never seen him in the club before which meant that he was probably new in town.

He approached the table, a slight smile on his face. The vampire certainly looked like he was enjoying himself. Nick almost felt sorry for displacing him. Almost.

Janette ran a finger gently along the vampires chest and lightly bit his ear before pulling back. "Nicholas," she said, not turning to look at him.

"Janette," Nick said softly.

"Aren't you supposed to be on... vacation?" she asked disdainfully, leaning forward to lightly nuzzle her companion's neck.

"Exactly," Nick said, taking another step toward the table. "And I thought I'd drop by and spend part of it with you." He met the strange vampire's eyes briefly, and jerked his head back and to the side pointedly. The other vampire merely smiled slightly and widened his eyes in amusement. But he made no move to leave. Definitely new in town, Nick thought to himself in irritation.

But to his surprise, Janette made no move to send this one away. "You're timing, as usual, is dreadful, darling," she said instead, pulling back slightly. "I'm afraid," she added, "I'm in the middle of very important... business negotiations."

"Too important, even, for an old friend?" Nick asked, a tight smile on his face, his voice controlled to hide his annoyance.

"What's your little coroner friend up to this evening?" Janette asked instead, her gaze flicking to him in annoyance. Her companion shifted slightly so that he was sitting even closer, if that was possible, to Janette than before.

Taken aback by the abrupt change in subject for a second, Nick frowned. "She's busy."

"I see," Janette said. "Too busy to entertain you, hmmm?"

"She's working," he said shortly.

"Hmmm," Janette said distractedly, as her companion turned his head and kissed her softly on the lips, lingering just a bit too long for Nick's comfort.

"I need to have a word with you," Nick said a bit too loudly. "Alone," he added, looking pointedly at the strange vampire.

With a sigh, Janette leaned back and picked up her glass. "Would you?" she asked, holding it out to her companion. He took it reluctantly, shooting a murderous glance at Nick who smirked back at him. "But hurry back," Janette said as he rose.

As soon as he had moved off through the crowd, Nick took his seat and leaned over to kiss Janette lightly on the lips. "You're angry with me," he said matter-of-factly.

"Would it matter to you if I were?" Janette asked lightly, pulling away from him slightly.

"Now you know the answer to that," he admonished gently. When Janette didn't comment, he continued, his fingers lightly tracing the top of her hand. "I thought we could spend a little time together, talk about old times." He leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to her shoulder.

"Old times," Janette said flatly. "I was just getting ready to explore some... new times."

"And I'm interrupting?" Nick asked, his voice filled with amusement.

"As a matter of fact, Nicholas, you are," Janette said, shifting in her seat to move away from him.

"So who is he?" Nick asked, leaning back reluctantly.

"Someone young, and uncomplicated, and perfectly happy with who and what he is," Janette said. Her voice was light, but there was a sharp edge in the way she pronounced each word that wasn't lost on Nick. She looked up and smiled seductively as the vampire returned with two fresh glasses and a bottle. "Now, Nicholas," she said sweetly, turning to him. "If you'll excuse us. That seat was taken."

Slowly, Nick pushed the chair back and rose, making sure to brush roughly past the strange vampire as he moved out toward the dance floor. For his part, the stranger just smiled at Nick and flashed his fangs at him for a brief second. Nick almost stopped and confronted him, but decided that he was already on shaky ground with Janette and a scene would not help matters later when he tried to patch things up with her.

So he left The Raven instead, and found himself back in his car, aimlessly driving the streets of Toronto. He passed several theaters and briefly toyed with idea of catching a movie, but he didn't see anything that really appealed to him. And the few things he did see that he though he might like he'd promised to see with Natalie as soon as they both had a night free. So he continued driving, switching the radio from CERK to one of the local rock stations, turning up the volume so that the music blared around him.

Schanke was probably off tonight as well, he suddenly realized. They weren't taking their vacations at the same time, but he remembered glancing at the schedule and seeing that he was off tonight. But given the luck he'd had so far he'd better call first, he though, absently tuning the radio back to CERK then switching it off. He reached into his pocket for his portable phone. It was late, but not too late. And Schanke was used to staying up half the night anyway.

"Hey, Schank!" he said cheerfully as soon as his partner answered the phone.

"Hey, Knight! Aren't you supposed to be on vacation? What? You miss me already?"

"Yeah, Schanke. Like the plague," Nick shot back.

"So what can I do for you? Don't tell me you can't find a million things to amuse yourself with in that bachelor pad of doom of yours."

"I thought I'd call and see how the case you're working on is going."

He heard Schanke snort. "Got stood up, huh?"

"No," Nick said, then immediately regretted the irritation that was apparent in his voice.

"Oh, I believe you, partner! Hey, it's nice to know that even you pretty boys find it hard to get a date sometimes." Before Nick could retort he heard a feminine voice murmur something in the background, followed by Schanke's sharp intake of breath.

"Hey, Schanke?" Nick asked. "Everything OK? You still there?" He waited several seconds, then said, "Come on, Schank!"

"Huh? What? Oh, Knight! Hey, listen, I gotta..."

"I was thinking, maybe I could drop by. We could talk."

"Drop by?" Schanke asked. "Uh, no, Nick." He could hear the leer in Schanke's voice as he added, "I think I'm going to be busy for a while. Very busy, if you get my drift."

"What?" Nick asked, confused. "Listen, Don..."

"Nick?" Myra said into the phone.

"Hi, Myra," Nick said, thoroughly confused now. Myra giggled suddenly, but it took Nick several seconds to register that that's exactly what it was. He'd never heard Myra giggle and never had he even imagined that she could. But she was. And then it dawned on him what was happening over at the Schanke household even as they spoke, and he made a mental note to himself to remember to tell Nat that he actually blushed. He heard Schanke say something and realized that Myra must be sitting in his lap as she spoke on the phone.

Was that Schanke humming? "Uh, well... ah..." he stammered, trying to find a graceful exit from the conversation. Myra saved him the trouble though.

"I'm afraid," she said a little breathlessly, "that Donnie can't come out and play just now. Bye, Nick!" Nick heard her laugh one more time just before the connection was broken.

With a sigh, Nick turned the phone off and dropped it to the seat beside him. it seemed as though he were destined to spend the evening alone, he thought to himself, reaching over to absently flick the radio back on, hardly even aware that he was doing it.

...What is this world? What asketh man to have? Now with his love, now in his colde grave Allone, withouten any compaignye....

There was always the precinct, he thought dismally. There was always paperwork to do. He could slip in, kill a few hours, then slip back out and no one, particularly Captain Cohen would be none the wiser. Just to be sure, however, he glanced at his watch. Yes, she'd be off duty now. No one would mind if he dropped by and did a little work, especially since it would be off the clock. It was the least he could do, after all, he thought to himself.

He pulled into his usual spot in front of the precinct and slipped cautiously inside. It was fairly late and there were only a few people on duty. There was no sign of Cohen. Nick breathed a small sigh of relief and sat down at Schanke's desk. There were several manila folders sitting in the organizer. Nick casually pulled one of them out and flipped it open. One look at it and he began to shake his head. No matter how many times Cohen got on his case, Schanke's reports were still sloppy and only half complete. Fortunately for his partner, this was a case that Nick had been on as well before his vacation. So he took up a pencil and began carefully writing in the information Schanke, in his haste, had left out.

"Knight!" an unmistakable voice called out sharply from behind him. With a sigh, he quickly closed the folder, then stood and turned to face Captain Cohen. "You're supposed to be on vacation! Go home, now!"

"But--"

"No buts, detective! You're on vacation, and I don't want to see your face until Monday night. Got it?"

Reluctantly Nick nodded. "Got it."

Without another word, Cohen turned and strode into her office, not quite slamming the door but closing it firmly behind her. Nick made a face at the desk officer who was grinning at him, then shrugged into his coat and walked out of the building.

And got back into his car again. LaCroix's voice again filling the space around him.

...Loneliness. Such a mournful word, one that the tongue loves to linger over lovingly. Fitting really, since so many of us perceive it to be our only steady companion, our only destiny. It is your own doing, a state we, more often than not, create yourself, whether you are being stoic or stubborn or stupid. And when you realize that, you naturally have to ask yourself whether any man is truly alone. And then the answer is suddenly clear. Someone, somewhere, is always there for you if you would only seek them out. The Nightcrawler is always there for you...

As Nick pulled out into traffic, he glanced down at the radio. Nat was working. Nick tried not to think about her standing over the partially dissected body, her gown covered with blood, her hands full of gore. Janette was...busy. Nick didn't want to think of it as anything but that. Schanke was...busy. Nick made the effort not to think about that at all. Cohen had all but banished him from the precinct for the next five days. Nick didn't resent that too much.

Which left only LaCroix, he thought with a sidelong glance at the radio. But he wouldn't go to see LaCroix. He couldn't go to see LaCroix.

Could he?

He couldn't. LaCroix would make far too much of a visit out of the blue while simultaneously seeming to brush him off. He tried unsuccessfully not to think about it. But it was one of those awful whims, an idea that took hold and wouldn't let go. Right now, the prospect of arguing with LaCroix (and it would turn into an argument; it always turned into an argument) was much more interesting than spending the next several hours, and possibly all day, trying to find something to do.

He'd turned the car. Without realizing it, he'd taken a left and maneuvered the Caddy out into traffic. And this road just happened to be the most convenient route to CERK, if he remembered correctly. He'd just swing by. He wouldn't pull up into that empty spot right there in front. It wasn't even a legal parking space. He wouldn't turn the car off and step out, walk up to the door and press his hand flat against the cold metal to test it...

The door to the CERK studio was unlocked as usual. Nick slipped quietly inside, mindful that LaCroix was on the air and headed for the control booth. There wouldn't be an engineer on duty--the few times he'd been to the station LaCroix had been alone. Just as he expected, the engineering booth was empty.

But so was the sound booth.

LaCroix was nowhere in sight.

With a frown, Nick pushed the door open and silently entered the room, his eyes moving around looking for some sign of life. A reel-to-reel tape player was resting on the table near the microphone, and a tape was playing. LaCroix's voice drifted out of the tape player, into the microphone, and out over the city of Toronto.

...Alone, alone, all, all alone, alone on a wide, wide sea...

LaCroix was taking the night off...

LaCroix was taking the night off?

If this hadn't been his last resort, Nick might actually have found this funny. Nat would have found it funny but would have been kind enough not to laugh. Janette and Schanke would have been terribly amused by the whole thing, and Cohen would have simply ordered everyone out of her office. Nick just stood there staring at the tape player as if he'd never seen one before.

LaCroix had taken the night off?

Now what was he going to do?

There seemed to be little point in hanging around the studio, though he briefly considered it in the hopes that LaCroix might return. Nick didn't want to admit to himself that he was horribly disappointed that even this had turned out to be a dead end. He certainly wasn't about to admit that he'd been looking forward to spending time with LaCroix, that it was something that he might enjoy. Desperation, and a brief lapse in judgment, that's all it had been he thought hastily. LaCroix had probably done him a favor by not being here, though Nick was not about to ever tell him that.

He left the radio station as quietly as he'd entered. After sitting in his car trying to decide what to do for several long minutes he finally drove out to the harbor. There, he sat on a bench watching and listening to the water and the sea birds, trying to find something in his solitude to enjoy until the sky began to brighten in the east. Then he drove home, the radio silent.

As he pulled up, he saw Natalie's car parked in front of his loft. She must have dropped by after finishing up at work. Smiling in appreciation, he took the lift to the second floor, intending to admonish her for not going home and getting some rest since he knew she was exhausted.

When the lift door slid back he saw her on the couch. She was sound asleep and for a moment he was disappointed, even briefly considered being deliberately noisy so she'd wake up. He'd been looking forward to having someone to talk to But as he approached the couch he really saw her. He stopped a few feet from the sofa and looked down at her face, completely relaxed and far from any stress or worry, so unlike it had been hours earlier.

She looked beautiful.

He stood there, looking down at her in wonder, wishing that time would stand still and he could remain in this moment forever, barely noticing as the loft quietly became infused with the soft pink light of dawn.

Then he reached down and gently slide the remote from her hand, not wanting to wake her for any reason. Still, he waited to close the blinds, allowing himself to enjoy the glow of the early light on her skin for a few moments longer. But when that same light caused his skin to tighten and tingle, he reluctantly pressed the button that slowly lowered the shades until the room was submerged in darkness.

Natalie stirred slightly at the soft whir of the shutter motors, but she did not wake up. Moving quietly up to his bedroom, Nick pulled the comforter off his bed and carried it down to the living room, gently laying it over her and tucking it around her shoulders. He went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of blood and turned on the florescent light over the stove so that the loft wouldn't be in total darkness should she awaken during the day.

With one last glance at her sleeping face, he quietly climbed the stairs again, the comforting beat of her heart, the reassuring sound of her steady breathing following him as he went.